How Can I Get a Girlfriend? Are There Effective Ways to Get One?
I am 22, and all my friends seem to have girlfriends except me. I've tried but haven't succeeded so far. I'm I missing something?
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The human sex ratio of males to females at birth was predicted to be between 1.03 and 1.07 in a study conducted around 2002.
Although prenatal sex selection exists in certain countries, nevertheless, the average sex ratio remains at around 1:1 males/females due to evolution and natural selection. Yes, evolution and natural selection exists guys, especially where it involves the balancing of nature.
This means there’s a woman for every man on earth. This is good news for you, because it significantly reduces the odds against you.
However, with millions of males around the world being generally shy, and probably asking the same question you’re asking, the advantages for you are enormous if you can learn just a few tricks millions of other guys don’t know.
This means if you can master just a bunch of tricks, you can literally have any woman you want—which makes the tricks quite dangerous because, if you practice them wrongly, you can get into trouble with other people’s wives.
The tricks are like a double-edged sword or a Swiss Army knife. I’m even afraid to share them on this forum, considering the backlash this may trigger. This calls for a high degree of discretion, caution, awareness, and wisdom.
If you know these tricks, you literally have no competition. Instead, girls will be competing to get you. Including beautiful girls.
Many guys believe that beautiful girls are harder to get than ugly ones. This cannot be further from the truth. In fact, getting beautiful girls is easier than getting ugly ones.
Why? Girls have this natural instinct to compete against each other, and sometimes, even go after each other’s throats. In fact, even married women fiercely compete against each other.
Why? Because they want to find out which one exudes more influence over men. For women, power is everything and men are the prey to get them to where they want. They’re game, and the more men admirers they have, the more important they feel.
The tool they use is beauty, so the more beautiful a woman is, the more men she’s likely to attract. The more beautiful a woman feels she is, the more power and control she’s likely to wield over men. Ever heard of Cleopatra? Where do you think she obtained all that power? Caesar of course!
They literally fight over men, especially influential men.
In fact, the more men a woman has, the more beautiful they believe they are. Women love adoration. In fact, they get a kick when men worship them. This is why beautiful women sometimes can hate you just for not talking to them. They think the reason you don’t talk to them is because something is wrong with them.
Telling a woman “you’re beautiful” triggers her emotions. Women think with their hearts. Men think with their _______ (you know what I mean).
Telling a woman “I love you” goes into her soul.
Ok, let’s not get above ourselves. So, many guys don’t have the skills you’re going to learn. So what?
They say that information is power. So what’s the big deal?
Well, I’ve just given you one piece of information. Now you know that getting a girlfriend is no big deal.
But how?
The how is where the big deal is. And we’re going to learn a few things. Me included…
Ok, let’s not beat around the bush.
1. Communication is the Key
When it comes to getting girls, no other secret is as effective as communication. This explains why guys who are relatively ugly and are good communicators get all the girls.
So far, everything you’re reading is information packaged in communication. I’m communicating to you right now...
Would you know what you’re currently reading if I didn’t communicate to you?
Thousands, possibly millions of girls have no boyfriends simply because nobody approached them by way of communication.
They see you passing through the village street and don’t even say “Hi”, and they wonder, what’s wrong with this guy?
2. Many girls are Looking for You
What you’re looking for is also looking for you if you know what to look for and where to look.
This may come to you as a shock, but remember, girls are just as human as you. They have feelings and they have needs. And they’re also looking…
Let that sink in your thick skull.
Armed with this information, thousands of beautiful girls are at your disposal.
3. Many girls are Secretly admiring You
Perhaps you didn’t know this. By nature, girls are not designed to break the ice. In fact, in some cultures, it’s taboo for a girl to speak to a man first.
This makes it even harder for girls to speak to a guy.
Now, tell me… If you’re a guy and you happen to be in one of these countries where girls can’t speak to guys, what do you expect when you can’t speak to girls?
Missed opportunities? Secret admirers dying inside? Beautiful girl taken by the wrong guy?
Take your pick.
4. You’re Looking in The Wrong Places
If you go to church, why do you look for a girlfriend in the bar? Or if you live in Brooklyn, New York, why do you look for a girlfriend in The Bronx?
Why do you make life harder for yourself?
You increase your chances of getting a girlfriend if you look in the right places. Go to places where girls of your type hang. Look for girls who can understand you.
Go to the right dating forums. Be careful with Facebook.
For example, if you’re a doctor, don’t you see the logic of looking for a girl who understands your language?
Or if you’re a computer geek, don’t you think you’ll face many odds if you started chasing a striptease artist?
5. You’re Looking for The Wrong Person.
Have you ever heard about the psychology of Competition?
A “competition," by its very nature, is what psychologists call an “extrinsic incentive." Extrinsic simply means that the motivation to get a certain thing or win a certain prize is very high, which drives the demand for that thing upwards.
For guys, when many guys are chasing a particular girl, the perception is that the girl is beautiful, therefore the guy who wins the girl becomes an instant star.
Is the popular girl the right girlfriend for you? Certainly not, because the competition is very high and not worth it. It is simply the psychology of competition playing tricks on you.
Look around, and you’ll soon discover another more beautiful girl boys have not noticed, and therefore, not chasing.
Another way of looking at it is that, if you’re an ordinary, middle class guy looking for a girlfriend in the royal family, you might want to consider checking your priorities and best interests.
Why would you want to swim upstream when you can easily let the river carry you downstream? Definitely, apart from your financial status, you’ll encounter many odds.
Armed with the information we’ve covered so far, the royal girl may actually like you, but members of her family may not like you. Case in point is the case of Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, dating and marrying Meghan Markle, a lower class girl of mixed race.
From the onset, the relationship didn’t get approval from the royal family, and encountered many challenges, resulting in Prince Harry’s denunciation of the royalty.
6. Stop trying to get a Girlfriend—Get a Friend
To get a girlfriend, the first step is to stop trying to get a girlfriend.
Girls have a natural instinct to detect a bloke a mile away. They already know your intentions even before you start talking to them. So, why try to make the same mistake hundreds of other guys have tried and failed?
Instead, expect nothing in return from every new interaction you have with a girl. You'll be surprised how "not giving a sh*t" about the outcome makes girls chase you.
Most guys will go to great lengths to persuade girls to like them, while people who aren't interested in impressing random girls stand out like a rose among thorns.
Women enjoy a challenge, so when a man comes along who isn't afraid to speak his mind and disagrees with them, demonstrates that he's a man of confidence worth knowing more.
7. Make an impression Upon Girls.
Start discussions with girls by wearing clothes and jewelry that attracts them. A good place to start is by wearing leather jackets, jewelry, and well-fitted suits.
Don’t get tattoos all over your body. It scares most girls.
Groom yourself and make sure you smell good. Don’t wreak of alcohol or cigarette and make sure your breath doesn’t smell like sh*t. Brush your teeth after you eat. Keep a toothbrush at work to use after eating. Floss at least once a day. Brush your tongue. Clean dentures with dental appliances, and avoid a dry mouth.
Above all, be conversational. Don’t approach a girl directly by asking direct questions like “are you single?” or “are you with someone?”
Obviously if she was with someone you would notice—wouldn’t you?
8. Raise Your Confidence Levels
This is where many guys die a thousand times even before they begin.
Before you approach a girl, remove any limiting belief you may have concerning yourself or the girl you’ve decided to approach. Don’t make any assumptions about the girl. Don’t even show a hint that you might be inferior in any area of your personality.
When approaching her, don’t make any assumptions that she won't be interested in you even if you've never had a girlfriend.
Limiting beliefs like that won’t get you anywhere.
Consider the following scenarios:
"Talking to her is pointless because she isn't interested in me." Change this to: "I should go talk to her because she appears bored."
"She's out of my league." Change this to: "I wonder whether she's cool enough to hang out with?"
This will help you approach girls you like with optimism, and you'll become a very appealing guy to be around as a result.
Ask her:
“Unless I’m mistaken, you seem lonely, and I’m offering to buy you a drink with no holds barred.”
Or,
“You resemble someone I know. May I have the privilege to talk to you?”
If she replies “No”, move on. Don’t even waste your time. She’s not for you. Run away like you were being chased by bees.
But don’t give up. Remember there are many fish in the sea?
9. Be Strategic
Lions are smart hunters.
Approaching girls is like a lion stalking prey. Lions don’t hunt prey. They hunt for food, and they don’t hunt for nothing.
And when it comes to hunting, lions don’t hunt without a strategy.
Mostly, lions hunt in a group, usually from the same family, but lions can also hunt alone. The strategies lions use are so well-perfected that if a lion misses or makes a mistake, then it goes hungry for days.
Lions don’t hunt indiscriminately. That’s not smart. To ensure maximum chances of success, lions only hunt highly targeted prey.
One common mistake guys make is seducing girls indiscriminately. The more failures you have at getting girls, the more you diminish your chances of success, therefore the more likely girls will keep rejecting you.
A smarter method is to approach girls strategically, by targeting them. Let’s face it—you can’t possibly have all the girls you want.
So, the first thing you should do is to carefully choose your target. If she fits your fantasy, why not?
How do you do this?
Well, we’ve already covered how to approach girls and how to start a conversation. Select girls that fit your imagination.
When it comes to choosing girls, compatibility is important.
For example, don’t approach girls who are bigger in size than you, or girls that don’t seem to fit your pocket, or girls that don’t seem to be within your league—Yes, unless you know what you’re doing, don’t make a fool of yourself.
10. Establish Eye Contact
Of all the the tactics we’ve covered so far, eye contact is perhaps the most powerful weapon because it is literally the window to the soul of a woman.
If a woman likes you, they’re going to let you explore their soul. If she doesn’t like you, she will turn her eyes to another direction, look at another person, or look down.
Eye contact is so powerful because it indicates that someone is genuinely interested in you or is attempting to tell you something intimate. Eye contact can also be dangerous. Don’t try to establish eye contact with someone you can’t handle. Prolonged eye contact tells the other person, “I’m interested in you”. A short eye contact says: “You’re nobody”.
Eye contact must match your body language and be congruent with your conversation if the woman happens to invite you to her world.
You must understand that eye contact should be discreet, timely and should not appear intrusive. Realize that eye contact is not the same as a gaze. A gaze is intrusive and rude, whereas eye contact is gentle and provocative.
A man or woman can “discern” another person gazing at them behind the back, and women have perfected this sixth sense. If a woman likes you and your eyes meet the first time, she will look again. If you feel the same way, you will instinctively do the same and your eyes will meet the second time.
After this it’s really up to you to decide what step to take because women don’t often make mistakes.
11. Don’t Make This Mistake
Don’t ask for a date the first time you meet a girl. Make sure you become her best friend first, by leaving an impression that she can’t live without.
Make sure you leave her with the hunger to see you again, by making such an impression she won’t forget easily.
For example, get a lot of information about her. Make your conversation very interesting. Complement her about her looks, her hair, dress or beauty. Find out something interesting about her and compliment that.
Find out what she likes and doesn’t like. Show genuine interest in what interests her. Resist talking about yourself unless she asks. Don’t be selfish.
What problems does she have? What emotions is she going through? Be empathetic. Being empathetic attracts girls towards you since it touches them emotionally.
Even a simple genuine remark like, “You look lovely”, touches a woman’s heart deeply.
Don’t flirt. Girls can sense it.
Find out if she’s attached to someone else by asking an indirect question like:
“Hey, won’t your husband or boyfriend kill me if he finds me here talking to you?”
Only seek another meeting if you’re sure she’s current not attached. However, be careful since she can easily lie to you and get away with it.
12. What if She Plays Hard To Get?
Well, this is a common challenge for many guys. She wants to make sure that you’re genuinely interested in her and you can be trusted.
Girls are particularly wary of guys who tell lies habitually.
How else will she find out that a twenty-something, or a thirty-something, or a forty-something year-old guy like you doesn’t have a girlfriend? Or isn’t even married?
Women, particularly girls, have more to lose than men. Many of them have been disappointed by blokes who apparently looked like saints in the beginning, only to become devils after they got what they wanted.
So, when approaching women, and girls for that matter, understand their position, and try to allay any fears they might have, owing to past events, traumas, or bad relationships.
Be genuinely helpful. Give them no reason to suspect you. Remember, the first thing you should do is to offer yourself as a friend.
Conclusion:
These are just a few age-old tips, tricks, and secrets. There are many other tactics I won’t share now on this forum. That would require writing a book. In case you want to learn more,
I advise taking a simple, 60-second Quiz/Compatibility Test, if you haven’t done so. It’s an interesting fun Quiz.
The author writes at Quora and other platforms like Medium and Vocal Media. Flavian is an entrepreneur, dating and relationship coach, and author.